Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Martiya Is A Porcelain Doll?

I'm sitting here surrounded by blank off-white walls. I'm on my computer (an old hp pavilion) with a clunky monitor. The fan of the computer keeps turning on every few minutes. I'm sure we have a virus on it somewhere. Despite those minor flaws, it works and I love my computer. I'm on it everyday, atleast 3 hours, even if I'm working or not. Lately I've been surfing home improvement pages; instructing me on how to transform the walls of my government home. How to stain the faded brick slabs outside my door. And how to plant flowers, which I need visually to make me feel better about my location.
The parched desert climate of the United States. I'm in New Mexico feeling somewhat trapped by my husband who on occasion treats me like a little kid that cannot handle things on her own. That cannot travel on her own. Like Chrisette Michele says a "Porcelain Doll" in his eyes. He must be there to "watch" and "take care" of me. Because, I like to spend money? Yes, I like to spend money on food & clothes for our kids. I like to spend money on myself in terms of a cheap $20 acrylic nail application. Because, I like to drink? Yes, I like to have a few while sitting with my sisters. I like to drink while taking a bubble bath, or watching a movie on the couch by myself. Because, I'm a happy go lucky kind of person? I don't know. We are in debate whether I (a grown 22yr old Woman) can visit our families in Michigan-without him by my side.
I'm furious, but in a sense not even surprised. he takes anything I do literally for what it is no matter the unfortunate circumstances. He's afraid that I will leave our kids with a bad baby sitter-just to be free. He believes that I'm a reckless type when it comes to our children. I love him, I married him, but DANG. Give a girl a break-I would never purposely put my children in danger just to receive PEACE&QUIET. Peace and quiet that I cannot achieve here in NEW MEXICO by myself with all family members hundreds of miles away. Okay y'all I'm done with my moment. I'll let you know what happens, If I'm going to see my family next month.


JSADTheKing said...

Question is he as young as you are? How long have you guys been together? When I was younger I used to be really over protective which I learned as I got older came from my own lack of self confidence. but that is different from your situation I believe. have you exhebited behavior in the past that would make him believe your untrust worthy?

MochaSwissMrs said...

Well, my husband is 25. we have been together for 8 years. And as far as doing something questionable-I went on vacay to Miami back in April and spent (a bunch of money) So he is still on me about that.

JSADTheKing said...

Unfortunately thats what folks usualy do on vacation, spend to much money, actually its to be expected. WOW. So you guys have been together since you were young. My personal opinion would be then because of his lack of experience with other woman other than your self and his age, that he doesn't know or understand how not have confidence and trust in you is harmful to you relationship. Do you guys have other older couple roll models who could possibly drop some hints?